Swamp Musings

Been a while again. Shortly after the last post (22 Sept), I was attempting to re-mesh the gears, had a couple of non-profit projects on the list that needed doin' with a old buddy that were more or less scheduled for that time of the year. No suprises on the cracked chest bones, been there before many years ago, just a little slower healing and other than picking up a minor case of the snots from the recently re-schooled neighbor kids, doing pretty good. Had kids? One of the absolute rules is within 3 weeks of school starting, the little booger-eaters will bring home a classy case of the snots. At least one of the classmates will have carefully conserved a treat, promptly shared, then brought home for the grownups to savor for the "week to 10 daze". Repeat at least twice more during the school term. *sigh*

Back to my old friend, he and I play phone machine tag a lot. His job requires him to be out of town for fair lengths of time quite often. Additionally, it wouldn't suprise me if he erased a LOT of the calls that appear on his phone machine due to the nature of his work. Anyway, after a week or so of phone tag, we got to talk. This time it wasn't travel, the sorry bastard had just spent 16 days in ICU. Emergency quad bypass with major complications. Since I still had the tag end of the snots, we were not going to meet until I'd cleared. I've spent many years working in hospitals, surgical suites and ICUs, been vaccinated for stuff I can't recall (was it the cholera or typhus shot that damn-near killed me? ;o) and a puny post surgical patient needs NO exposure. The conversation was on a Tuesday, my snots had cleared by Thursday, and Saturday was to be a fine day weatherwise (semi outside project). Friday went reasonably well, got one project completed to my satisfaction, the clothes I'd hung on the line finally got over being rained on Wednesday, had a half-finished new writer's book to read, and a pot of future chicken and dumplings needing only the dumplings for dinner. Took a 104 degree, 45 minute shower (wonderful for old, broken parts), fresh off-the-line sheets, big bowl of good food, interesting writer. Went to sleep. Woke at around 3 AM. If you laugh, I'm gonna turn into a virus and infect yer computer. ..and your kid's computer. I'm gonna send all your files to the IRS, ICE, FBI, and tell your spouse about that affair.

Chiggers. The crispy and wonderful smelling sheets were full of chiggers. Hundreds. From between my toes to the crown of my head. Armpits, nads, middle of my back, butt crack. Beard, eyebrows, every square inch. The histamine reaction was such that 5' 5", 130# me had a head about the size of Ted the Swimmer. The Great Specked Flightless Bird of Wellborn wanted to become extinct!

I was totally immune to chiggers for 53 years. The little bastaches would chew up many of my friends including my wife. Mike E, Don R, Bill B, got munched every fishing trip. Nina got a load on the roof twice and I was never successful getting her to mow it again! Welp, seems andropause has changed my body chemistry. Bugfood.

Since this wasn't the first time, I knew what to expect and what to do. Gurgling snots, Shiva hands needed to scratch, general misery for a handful of daze. Relief available via the OTC snot pills with their mizzable side effects. The "chigger cures" of fingernail polish and soaking with Everclear really are not too practical when one has a load like that one. However, by Monday I needed some sleep. Gurgling, oozing, said hell with it and took a pair of snot nukes around 10 PM. Yer gonna laugh again. THIS time I'm gonna refer your case to my friend. Actually, if you haven't read what Steve H. has done there, you need to. Good stuff and funny as hell.

Back to the snot nukes. Wonderful things. Effects start around 20 minutes and by 40 minutes I'm as co-ordinated as a fella with a half a jug of JD inside. That part wears off around 3 hours later and the dry eyes, tongue that sticks to lips, slap head and bits of concrete fall out of nose sets in. But I can BREATHE! This time was no different except for the small problem of waking in the wee hours needing to visit the dewatering station. Normal routine. Well, except for being medicated. Zero co-ordination. Sharp edged kitchen cabinet + stumble + forehead = extra sleepytime. It was just shy of dawn when I completed the trip to my loo. It's always so dramatic how minor head wounds look so bad. They are actually the best kind as I got a CSI moment on re-creating exactly how I wound up with the first Class A shiner I've had since Gary and I squared off back in 1964! Nasty little Irish kid. I'd had enough of his "stuff". He and I were physically identical; wire-hard country kids, him Irish, me cur Irish/Scot/Kraut, beat each other without mercy. ..except for the "rules". Our fight was in an isolated area (planned fight, NO adults) that had eyes. Hell no, the adults always knew what kind of shit allus kids were getting into. I think I won. He had 2 mice, I only had one. Neither of us could breathe easy for a week or so as we'd pounded the crap out of each others ribs. Of course we became best friends!

Now a 56 year old with a huge mouse over his right eye and a totally purple socket has to answer for same if seen in public. Since it isn't necessary for me to come out of the swamp very often, not a big problem. Couldn't for a few days anyway as that was my good eye that was swollen shut. Besides, it's hard to flirt with the gals one has known for most of 3 decades when they ask what happened. They all know I've lived solo for the last decade and wouldn't accept "I talked back to the missus". Didn't play at all!

Tomorrow might prove interesting. In 1999, I started rebuilding the second story of the shop as a studio apartment I would have liked to have had back when I was a starving student, far from home. Bits and pieces of fine old times. Rented it very briefly in March this year. Total disaster. I very badly need some income and I've advertized the place in the local mullet wrapper beginning tomorrow. If you are interested in viewing a rather old web site about the joint, it is still available here. The site seems to not render properly with Firefox 2.0.

Time to see if I can recall my login name and password for blogspot. Got some political crap that needs yarfing before next Tuesday. Got 3 very nice stories that need a bit of polish (got too much happy smug in 'em, good people! ;o).