Swamp Musings

Woke up too damn early after getting to sleep too damn late. Turned on the Bunn then for some unidentifiable reason, turned on the teevee. Haysoose H. and his brother Fred, are they ALL infected? Some folks say bats carry rabies. What do moonbats carry? "Why things went wrong with Katrina" blame mantra is totally astounding and it is all FEMA's fault due to Mr. Brown being GW's "boy" (Actually it's all Karl Rove's fault!). Then there was the newsie's whine about since there is still no electricity in Port Arthur, Texas after Rita, they are all living like cavemen. MORE gummit will fix junior's owies. Yeah. Right. Whatever (sorry Beth). Big daddy Fed should stride in and patch everything RIGHT NOW, hell shoulda stopped dem bad things in the first place. Wouldna happened if GW had signed Kyoto and STOPPED Global Warming. We know it's true cause Babs told us so. And the communications all broke down cause we ain't advanced enough to put solar panels on our cell phone towers and we didn't use VoIP on the internet! And shifting subjects onto the "energy" scene, the gummit should step in and CONTROL the industrial infrastructure. Hey moonbats, private ownership/government management has a rich tradition. It's called National Socialism. Damned effective. Ask Adolph.

There's some cute rumors running around that on top of the 15% of the Nawlins cops going AWOL, that there may be quite a few hundred "paper" cops on the payroll as well. We "know" there isn't any chance of corruption in Nawlins gummit don't we! Who put the Naw in Nawlins! I'm still bumfuzzed that about a week after Katrina, the cops were being sent to Las Vegas (of all places) for R & R. Smooth move. Covering up the AWOLs? When those trained "To Protect and To Serve" are seriously needed they head to Sin City? If ever a local civilian constabulary is needed, after a major disaster is probably number one due to the tendency of the minority of slimeballs in society to loot and victimize and any reserves should be called out including deputizing capable citizens. < /rantoff >

* * * * * *
I found this on StrangeCosmos yesterday and it gave me a good chuckle!

Professor's Writing Experiment Proves Men ARE Different From Women

Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix:

The professor told his class one day: "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth.
Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of his English students:
Rebecca and Gary.

THE STORY:

(first paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

(second paragraph by Gary)

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

(Rebecca)

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

(Gary)

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.

(Rebecca)

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

(Gary)

Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F--KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!"

(Rebecca)

Asshole.

(Gary)

Bitch.

(Rebecca)

F&*%K YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!

(Gary)

Go drink some tea - whore.

(TEACHER)

A+ - I really liked this one.


Submitted by Gary S.